There was once a time when I truly believed that I would marry my high school boyfriend, live happily ever after, have several children, and live in a gorgeous one story house somewhere in Southern California. And thank god that never happened.
I remember balling my eyes out when he broke up with me to be with his best friend that he always said he never had feelings for (isn’t that always the case)? Being 20 something now and looking back, I realized the reason why I cried was not because I was sad or heart broken – it was because I was in love with the idea of love.
I was upset because I didn’t dump him first. I didn’t have the strength to leave him because I believed having someone was better than not having anyone at all. And deep down, I knew better than that.
To my ex that dumped me, I am so thankful that you did because I know certain that we were never, ever meant to be together.
So how was dating my high school ex was like dating a broken watch you ask? Let me explain:
He was only something pretty to look at.
(*To each their own). So my ex was not the hottest guy out there but at some point in time I obviously thought he was cute. Having a boyfriend meant having someone to reach out to, make out with and look at when I needed him most. Like a broken watch, having him around was just something pretty to look at, even if he did not offer much else.
He didn’t teach me anything that I did not already know.
I can say that our relationship was pretty superficial. We did not agree on much or talk much about anything important at all. And when we did, he seemed unwilling to understand my perspectives on topics such as same-sex marriage and abortion. You should be able to learn from your partner, be inspired by them and have them open your eyes to new perspectives. Like a broken watch, I realized I would forever be with a man whose clock would read 2:30PM – a constant reminder that he was set in his ways and unwilling to change.
We weren’t moving forward.
My ex and I were stuck in a tango where all that mattered was that he held my hand as he walked me to class, kissed me goodbye and that we would text all hours of the day. We were not growing together. Like a broken watch, time was frozen in a period where the future was something discussed with fake romanticism and no real plans. We were together for no real reason at all.
So why do we like to keep things that are broken, useless and beyond repair? Perhaps we hope that one day we could fix what is broken. Perhaps because we are afraid to let go of the things that were once so important to us. Maybe if we cling to the memories of our past it will remind us there’s hope of what still could be.
Sadly, there are some things in life that cannot be repaired. However, I soon realized that while watches can break, time itself never stops.
So when it came to my ex, I learned to not cry over a broken watch that I once loved – because with time I grew, I moved forward and I found someone even better.