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Why My Boyfriend & I Are Not Friends On Social Media

July 2, 2016 in Love & Relationships - 12 Comments

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I was so ecstatic to request him as a friend on Facebook so I could finally update my social media profiles with cutesy photos and posts of about to show off that we were together. However, when my boyfriend mentioned he was against posting about relationships on social media in general, my heart deflated a bit.

 

The first thing that popped into my mind was “Is he embarrassed to tell people who I am?” Then my second thought was, “Who is he trying to hide me from?”

When I proceeded to calmly ask him why he was opposed to posting on social media, he responded “Why does it matter?”

I had to really consider that. Why did it matter to me that all of Facebook had to know my new relationship status? Quite frankly, it didn’t. My boyfriend explained to me that it was not a problem that I wanted to post online – it was because I thought I needed to.  I was so accustomed to seeing my friends post about their boyfriends that I believed it was something that I needed to do as well.

As sad and embarrassing as that might sound, it has unfortunately become the norm.

After giving myself a reality check, here are four reasons why my boyfriend and I are not friends on social media and why I rarely broadcast my relationship online:

 

Why Myu Boyfriend And I Are Not Friends On Social Media

 

It creates unnecessary problems.

There you have it – I was already hurt and suspicious because I thought he might be embarrassed about me or even cheating on me. While I love to post pictures covering everything from Sunday Brunch to my recent travels, Facebook was just a place for my boyfriend to post memes and troll his friends. I came to accept it was not a big deal whether or not he shared photos or posts about us to inform people we were together because, to the people that mattered most to him, he would actually let them know in real-time, face-to-face conversations.

 

I didn’t want to become a stalker.

As much as I respect my partner’s privacy, my rationale is if he posts something on his profile, then it is for me and the world to see. I know myself – I would be that girlfriend who won’t be able to resist the urge of checking out who commented on his latest statuses and then I would most likely take it a step further and creep on that person’s page. I did not want to indulge in the temptation of being overly curious and wind up pissed off because maybe he has too many girls as friends or I misinterpreted a comment.

Considering a recent study that illustrates how Facebook has become a leading cause in divorce cases, this shows just how much we rely on technology to re-enforce relationship security instead of actually interacting with our actual partner. The fact my boyfriend and I choose not to be friends allows us to exercise a level of trust where we can go about having our own personal lives online without fear of wondering if the other has something to hide.

 

I didn’t want to seek validation from a computer screen.

While I wanted to let others know that I was happily dating someone, I have chosen to not list my relationship status because I did not want to fall into the trap of having my relationship labeled as “Facebook official.” Plus, I enjoy being able to keep my private life, private.

When you list your relationship status, you unintentionally invite others into the fold. Something precious that belongs to you has just become a public forum for people to question, judge and probe.

There are the unwelcome questions. For example, if you put “In a relationship,” you’ll encounter that one person who will ask “When did you stop dating [insert name here]?” Or when you break-up and change your status, you might get a flood of “Are you okay?” and “Do you want to talk?” messages from people who have been instantly notified of your new-found single-hood. Even worst might be the people who “Like” your new single status that might make you wonder, “Did they not like my partner?”

At the end of it all, you are left feeling as if everyone seems to know more about your relationship than you do which is totally annoying.

 

My boyfriend and I are still two individual people.

When I am hanging out with acquaintances and bring up my boyfriend in normal conversation, I think it is funny when people say “I did not know you had a boyfriend! I never see you post stuff about him.” My social media profiles and my blog are spaces meant to represent me and my interests. While my significant other is a part of my life, my social media profiles don’t have to be dedicated to him.  Yes, you will find photos of my partner and I on my page every now and but having people “Like” those photos does not impact the value of my relationship. What I share is meant for my own enjoyment and happiness regardless if people “Like” or care about my posts.

 

What do you think about relationship statuses and social media? Do you find being friends with your significant other on social media has caused issues in your relationship or has actually brought you both closer together? Leave me a comment below!

alongcamekatrina.com

Katrina H.

Katrina is a 20-year-old something goal-digging career girl with a passion for helping millennials navigate the career world and helping entrepreneurs grow their business through digital story telling.

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12 Comments

  • Annie July 4, 2016 at 10:00 am

    I’m not a fan of social media and by that standard, I’m an absolute weirdo to people my age (22). I only have social media for my blog and I do have a personal facebook… But I haven’t logged in for…. 5 years…
    So to answer the question I personally don’t post stuff about my relationships on social media, neither did my “other part”.

    • Katrina July 4, 2016 at 4:33 pm

      Hi Annie

      For me I’m just not a fan of Facebook in general – it takes so much effort to post something probably uninteresting about my life I keep it simply for my blog (although I am active on IG especially since I’m big on photography). Thanks for reading!

  • Koen July 4, 2016 at 10:54 am

    Very interesting view indeed. Stuff to think about. thanks for sharing!

    • Katrina July 4, 2016 at 4:34 pm

      Thanks for reading Koen!

  • Alexie July 5, 2016 at 1:32 am

    I’ve just read a couple of your posts and I love your site!! I am still friends with my husband on social media but I do have all of the above issues. Social media can be such a challenge for relationships!

    • Katrina July 5, 2016 at 10:30 am

      Thank you so much Alexie! I really want to be friends with my bf online but I know myself to well for that to happen lol. Issues will always be there but if you are able to handle them or get through them, then being friends online shouldn’t be too big of an issue 🙂 Thanks for reading!

  • Krysti July 7, 2016 at 12:50 am

    Great interesting read! My bf and I are similar. 🙂

    • Katrina July 7, 2016 at 8:23 am

      Thanks so much for reading! 🙂

  • verushka September 1, 2016 at 10:19 am

    Such a great read ! As a blogger so much of my life is online so if I do date I like to keep it offline.

    • Katrina September 1, 2016 at 11:55 pm

      Thanks Verushka! Exactly I love to keep some of the best things in my life private

  • Lynnie April 28, 2020 at 5:39 am

    I think finding this solidified why I feel the same because I’m definitely more worried about breaking up in public however I cant shake the feeling that my bf is still friends with his exes on facebook therefore it makes me wonder if my absence from his social media is so he can keep the door open on one or more of those relationships by not showing the seriousness of he and I. The flirtation can minimize when people get mad at you for moving on. I asked him once if he ever put pics up with a girlfriend and he said he does eventually. Well one of his exes he lived with…she is one of the exes he still has on facebook. He also still talks to her and her kids but I have caught him lying about how much this happens. He also references her and her kids in conversations often over the last year. They have been broken up for years and still I have to hear about this. We have been together a year and this guy still hasn’t sent me a friend request and I’m sure has never posted pics of us. Claimed he has haters so doesnt want to put his relationship online. He is in his 40’s. Just sounds like BS to me. I looked on his social media once and yes he is commenting with emojis on his exes pictures and making posts about relationships and posting pictures from events I was at but just posts him and his kids. I never looked again and never brought it up but I haven’t forgot it. I am always going to think he just isnt all in due to this. Smh at the end of the day if he just liked to stay private with his relationships…whatever….but to give social media access to ex girlfriends signifies to me they are worthy and I am not.

    • Katrina H. April 29, 2020 at 12:14 am

      Hi Lynnie,
      First of all, don’t let anyone except yourself determine your worth. I can only say is do you trust him? I know a few men and women who are friends with their exes. But a lot of times, people keep exes in their lives for familiarity or a level of comfort- not so much bc they are still in love with them. (Still, it can be a problem).

      Based on everything you mentioned here, it seems there is something that needs to be addressed with him. The fact he said “he has haters and don’t want to put his relationship on the line” sounds questionable. Social media can cause problems that don’t exist but it’s also an easy way to hide things from your partner.

      Maybe the question isn’t so much about social but why he still so close to his ex? I’ve been guilty of this – I missed the attention and why I kept talking to my ex (even when I no longer had feelings for him) and my boyfriend called me out on it. That talk had to happen and I’m glad it did.

      Maybe you should have that talk with him too.

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